Not Being Sorry Means Never Having to Say You\'re Sorry
In the English language, "I\'m sorry" has two unique - and sometimes conflicting - connotations. "I\'m sorry" can communicate empathy, shared regret and grief. However, "I\'m sorry" can also represent contrition, an acknowledgment of guilt and an apology for doing harm to another.
The conflict between these two generates a conundrum for parking owners and managers. Sometimes one or the other is needed; sometimes both: but sometimes neither is offered in an effort to play it safe.
"Unfortunately, refusing to say you\'re \'sorry\' is ingrained in parking managers from their first assignment," says attorney Ally Fuqua. Fuqua, a parking industry veteran for over 14 years, is a lawyer whose private practice primarily focuses on the representation of parking companies.
"Out of liability fears, when an accident at a location occurs, managers... are trained never to admit liability or offer payment to the injured/damaged customer," Fuqua says. [They are told] to be helpful, but do not admit liability."
Yet parking owners and managers could learn something from the experience of Richard Fuld, CEO of bankrupt Lehman Brothers. Fuld spent some time on the griddle in front of Congress last fall, testifying as to the cause of his firm\'s demise and his personal role in its failure. As the elected finger-pointers circled over the carcass of Lehman, a one-time Wall Street icon in investment banking, angry pensioners and investors wanted Fuld to accept some accountability for the resultant bankruptcy, the largest in U.S. history.
Fuld, according to the USA Today (Why \'Sorry\' Isn\'t in Many CEO\'s Vocabularies," October 2I, 2008) took full responsibility for his decisions and just "felt horrible about it" but offered that it really, sorta, kinda wasn\'t his fault and the implication was he wasn\'t really \'sorry\' as in "I screwed up." Fuld followed the path of many others throughout history who\'ve basically said, "it was the other guy - I was in charge, sure, but I didn\'t know what was going on and am therefore not responsible."
Experts in crisis management suggest that this is a middle ground between three possible responses to very, very bad news. On one extreme, we see the Deniers, the Richard Nixons, Pete Roses and Martha Stewarts, who though convicted- either in a court of law or the court of public opinion - can never muster up even a meager amount of mea culpa for the masses.
On the other extreme we see the Fall-On-Your-Sword crowd, who get out in front of a blooming disaster in an attempt to manage the bouquet. A good example of this was the weather-related operational collapse of ]etBlue, where CEO David Neeleman immediately responded with an open letter to the public, which began," We are sorry and embarrassed. But most of all, we are deeply sorry..."
Now that\'s contrition. Neeleman went on to describe, in detail, the company\'s - and his - failures in the disaster and what they were going to do to assure the traveling public it would never happen again. (http://wrqw.jetblue.com/about/ourcompanyIapology/index.html).
Then there are those like Alex Rodriguez, the baseball star who first denied taking steroids, then, when it looked like it would become public knowledge, tried contrition.
Fuld, Rodrigtez and their like are indeed sorry - sorry they got caught. The Deniers, through ego, legal advice, a thick skin, and unfailing belief in their infallibility, just can\'t get the words out. Yet, as the USA Today article points out, the capacity of the average audience to forgive is greater than its all-too-human leaders believe and saying you\'re sorry does matter.
The article motes that, "In 2004, professors from the University of Michigan and Stanford University found that companies that accepted blame for poor performance in annual reports were more likely to outperform the market the following year." Such actions not only help "explain" the motivations of leaders to an angry constituency but diffuse the need for vengeance. It may also be a subtle indicator that management is self-reflective, not above its constituency, and can learn from its mistakes.
Attorney Fuqua agrees, adding, "[It\'s] not surprising that parking company CEOs, and the lawyers advising them, rarely offer up an apology. What is surprising is the growing evidence that accepting responsibility and apologizing immediately reduces long-term liability and the significant costs associated with it."
Of course admitting blame has its costs as well; such comments have spawned many a class action lawsuit. "Companies have found that heartfelt apologies can decrease the likelihood of lawsuits if they\'re well crafted and don\'t come off as \'Sorry I got caught," concludes USA TODAY. Saying you\'re sorry is, in this light, choosing the lesser of two evils, and more importantly, a better thing to do.
Barbara Kellerman, in an April 2006 article in the Harvard Business Review (When Should a Leader Apologize and When Not?) says, "Leaders should not extend public apologies often or lightly. One or more of the following conditions should apply: The apology is likely to serve an important purpose; the offense is of serious consequence; it\'s appropriate that the leader assume responsibility for the offense; the leader is the only one who can get the job done; and the cost of saying something is likely lower than the cost of staying silent."
However, on a smaller, personal scale, the risks of \'sorry\' are much slighter, as for example in the case of a patron who has experienced a billing error or whose car has been vandalized. When these customers first report such a problem, they are looking as much for empathy as they are restitution.
Saying you\'re sorry early in the process - and meaning it - can defuse a larger emotional bomb down the road. Not offering either empathy or contrition tells the customer you simply don\'t care and you\'re probably hiding the truth. Unrequited anger is left on high boil...and you\'ve just left the kitchen.
There\'s a bit of art to properly handling \'sorry,\'but it can be learned and done, as in, "I\'m so sorry this has happened" [you recognize the event, real or imagined]. "I know you\'re upset and concerned about this" [you recognize the emotion].
"Please allow me to investigate this on your behalf and get back to you" [you offer action].
Acknowledging the customer\'s pain and promising some action keeps the relationship momentum positive.
Later on, you may be able to tell the customer some "good" news - well, good news for the customer, not necessarily for you. Upon recognizing that it was indeed your - or your firm\'s - responsibility and facing the inevitability of cost or liability from the error, there is not a whole lot of downside to "sorry." Sorry as in, "Upon investigation, it turned out that it was indeed our error. Again [reminding the customer we have been empathetic all along], we are very, very sorry for this inconvenience. Here\'s what we propose to fix this situation..."
Or, you may have to deliver some" bad" news, such as the error was on the part of the customer. However, at that point at least some trust and good will has been built up and the customer is more likely to be accepting of the outcome. In this sense you want to express that you\'re sorry - empathy- for the distress the incident caused the patron.
This is also a moment of opportunity to exceed the customer\'s expectations, for example saying, \'As I promised, I checked with our insurance carrier and the vandalism is not covered by us. However, I\'ve prepared this report for you on the incident that you can provide your own insurer...[pause for customer acknowledgment and acceptance]. Again, we are terribly sorry this incident has occurred and although we\'re not directly responsible, we\'d like to offer you a month of free parking as a token of our good will."
As attorney Fuqua says, you can be helpful - and sorry - without admitting liability. Be careful how you say you\'re sorry, but don\'t be afraid to say it.
Charles R. "Charlie" Munn lll, CAPB CPB is a
former parking executive and operations consultant
who now advises organizations on human
resources and customer service management
issues. Contact him at cmunn3@aol.com
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